Why you should speak to strangers
Last year in October I traveled to the US, mostly for a holiday but also as an excuse to be reminded of what it feels like to leave Australia (after our 2-year draconian lock-downs). My first stop was Washington DC. I've been there before, but I figured I'd go again to visit a good friend, and experience the sort of stuff I like about the city (wide-open spaces, soaring monuments, and classical buildings, museums, etc).
Now, before I go ahead, a little about me and my personality. I was once that deeply introverted guy you'd see standing on the periphery of whatever event was happening, too nervous or shy to randomly talk to anyone. But if the right person came up to me, and started a conversation, I could talk for hours. I've changed a lot since my introvert days (I mean, I still am to a point), but nowadays I have more of a sense of confidence in going up to a stranger and saying “hello.”
At the time, an internet friend I have via a Discord group randomly reaches out and suggests we meet up later that day because she lives just outside of DC. Being no stranger to meeting random people from the internet, I went ahead and we decided to meet at this place called Tyson's Corner (30 minutes outside of DC). At the end of the night we parted ways, and I made my way to the Metro station. It's windy and cold, I'm wearing a polo shirt and jeans, a train appears and I'm certain it's the one I want to take me back to DC.
I bring up my phone and flick through it for a bit, realise my battery is suddenly at 10% so I put it away. I wasn't paying attention to the stops along the way, but figured I must be getting close. Next thing I know, the train stops and I hear a muffled voice saying through the speaker "last stop, Ashburn." My head jolts up, I look around as other people start to leave the carriage; I realise this isn't Crystal City station. Phone battery is now at 5%, it's even colder, and I'm potentially stranded somewhere late at night in Virginia. I quickly messaged my friend in DC who suggested I take an Uber, but with my phone battery so low, I didn't want to risk it shutting down. I ask someone if there's another train going back to DC, and they assure me there is, so I hang around on the platform for a few minutes.
Imagining to myself the wild ways in which I may go missing at some random station kept my mind occupied for a bit. A few minutes before the scheduled train is due to arrive, a lady comes up to me and asks if the next train is heading to DC. I tell her with certainty that it is, and mention how I just got off the wrong line. I realised she seemed interested in talking more, and because my favourite group of people to talk to are those older than me (they're a connection to a past that is long gone, plus they have more life experience), I was happy to continue the conversation.
The train arrives, I feel a sense of relief, and as we sit down we make some small talk. She figures out I'm from Australia, but admits she firstly thought I sounded English (I think because I have a city accent that's different from the stereotype). I found out her name is Sally, and she's originally from Queens, NY where she grew up, and is a trained psychiatrist. I think if it were possible to monitor my brain activity at that point, it would have shown a lot of excitement and eagerness to talk more. Here I am, talking with someone with more life experience than me, they grew up in a totally different time, plus their profession is one I know little about, but find it fascinating; there was a torrent of questions coming from me.
It turned into one of those conversations you have with someone where you lose track of time, and it’s just you and the other person. I don't want to call it 'intellectual' because I feel like I might sound insufferable/cringe, but that's the only word I can think of to describe our train ride talk. I live for that sort of stuff, where you're discussing ideas and viewpoints, and the other person knows how to reciprocate; it's just a natural flow of talking. Thinking back to it has me feeling excited and emotional even (you can probably tell this doesn't happen often to me).
I found out she's lectured at Cornell and Yale (where I think she still does), and also works with drug addicts, and in general addresses the opioid crisis. I ask her a whole range of questions, we discuss Nathaniel Branden (he was a psychotherapist, who has some great content on self-esteem), and then the topic changes to what I do and my interests. She realises I like reading, so I'm given a few book recommendations. There's a moment where I misheard her asking me whether I have a drug problem, but she was asking if the city I live in has one (she laughed and gently put her hands on me to apologise if I thought she was suggesting I was a drug addict. I’m not by the way). Also, check out her website!
To my dismay, I realise I'm a few stations away from my stop. Trying to think of a way to prolong our conversation, I ask her if she wants me to walk her back to her home (she was getting off a few stops later), but she assures me she lives close by and would be fine by herself. We exchange email addresses, I thank her for the conversation, she mentions she's never had this sort of encounter before, and thanks me in return. All in all, it was a highlight of my trip. We exchanged a few emails afterwards, and I was left with the thought that "yes, there's genuine people out there who know how to have deep, insightful conversations."
I say that last line, because it's not something I experience a lot, and I'm the type of person who loves having meaningful conversations. Too often I find myself trying to ‘force’ them with people who either don’t know how, or don’t care to have them, but it’s worth the effort because when you come across a total stranger, and you happen to get along well, it’s a genuine experience that serves as a reminder as to how wonderful life can be.
Maybe I’m ‘weird’ or ‘strange’ in my perspective, and I’m not saying every single day of one's life should be devoted to ‘deep, meaningful conversations’, but it’s something I think should become more of a norm. And I think a lot of people crave these interactions. I’ve had similar ‘serendipitous’ encounters in the past, and I’m not one to believe there’s some guiding ‘force’ or spirit having you meet someone, but the interactions are always seemingly uncanny. The combination of events that night led me to a random metro station, and it just so happened to include a pleasant encounter.
I think it’s so easy to become preoccupied in your own world, your mind, that if you put some extra effort, you could meet someone that has such a genuine impact on you. I think a lot of people are starved for having a genuine connection of any kind, and instead we numb ourselves with all manner of things, when there’s so much opportunity around us. Maybe that sounds preachy, maybe it’s ‘cringe’, but it’s true for me. After meeting Sally, I kept on thinking how much I wished I could live in DC so I could cultivate a friendship with her. There’s so much more I could say, but I’ll save those general thoughts for another article. My main takeaway is that we should be willing to engage in deep conversations with anyone, pry it out of them if you have to, but at least try, and you might be reminded, as I was, that this life can be great.